


What I Knew

by Emmie_0613



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Post-The Second Titan War (Percy Jackson), Talking about fears, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:28:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25431631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmie_0613/pseuds/Emmie_0613
Summary: They were children, meant to fight in a grown persons' war. They had fears and doubts before. But those things change in the face of death.After the war, everything is different. Maybe reflecting on it, isn't a bad idea.
Relationships: Clarisse La Rue/Chris Rodriguez, Silena Beauregard & Clarisse la Rue
Kudos: 21





	What I Knew

**Author's Note:**

> This references child abuse as well as bullying and um, they're going over their fears so, please take caution.

It had been a month since the war ended. The cool breezes of fall had arrived just as the sun of the summer left, and with it so had many of the campers. Only a handful stayed behind to watch over the camp. 

Clarisse slowly walked from her cabin to the beach. She needed to get away from the stifling pity that swarmed wherever she went. The beach was always a good choice. 

The sun had fallen behind clouds and a cool breeze came off of the water, she watched as the waves gently lapped against the sand. 

Before the war, Clarissa had been harsh, she knew that. To a point where she had been unforgiving of failure. She refused to accept apologies and would deny any weakness seeing it as the only way to make her father proud. 

But that idea had led to the death of the only person who had cared about her other than Chris and her mother. 

Before the war, she abhorred being weak. To the point where some might say she feared it. Unlike others, she never feared the dark or the dentist, she feared to be a disappointment never living up to what others had set for her. She took all of that fear and projected it onto others, refusing weakness and deny opportunities to become weak. 

So yes, she became a bully, but, she always rationalized with her self,  _ I’m making it so they don’t become disappointments either _ . 

Losing the war would be the greatest disappointment, so she just didn’t fight in it. She didn’t bother. 

Until Selina came.

She stole her weapons and armor and she fought the Drakon, but she didn’t defeat it. 

Clarisse was so mad at first she couldn’t think straight. She couldn’t rationalize why Selina would do that. Why she would fail so hard, why just why? 

But then Percy sat her down and explained it. He told her of how, when you lose the thing most important to you, disappointment always becomes an afterthought, you just wanted to spend more time with them. 

But, she still asked why would Silena do it. 

Percy looked at her and said, “She wanted to make sure that you didn’t disappoint yourself.” 

Clarisse never wanted to disappoint anyone. Her parents, her siblings. So much so that she feared doing anything that could result in disappointment. 

After receiving the request to go to the Sea of Monsters, Clarisse had a panic attack, though she hadn’t known what it was at the time. Her drive to succeed was driven then by the fact that she didn’t want to be up seated by the rookie Percy Jackson. 

She pushed through her fears, which just ended making them worse. When she talked with Percy in the days following the war, she never thought that by fearing disappointment in others, she was disappointing others. 

Clarisse looked up at the setting sun. The light glittered on the water and shone like diamonds. 

“Thank you, Silena,” She told her friend, “I’ll remember your final lesson, just like I’ll remember every other one you told me.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a TikTok I saw by @enjolrassimp.


End file.
